Level: 2, Lesson: 1
SELF-CENTEREDNESS, THE SOURCE OF ALL GRIEF
OUTLINE

One of the most important things in releasing the power of God inside you is to understand that your own self-centeredness can hinder the flow of God.

John 14:1: "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me."

John 14:28: "Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I."

If the disciples loved Jesus more than they loved themselves, they wouldn’t have been grief-stricken by the crucifixion and their hearts would not have been troubled.

Proverbs 13:10: "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom." Pride, in its simplest terms, is seeing yourself as the center of everything, whether it is thinking you are better than everyone else or worse than everyone else.

Your self-centeredness is what makes you angry and causes you to react to what people do. You cannot control what other people do, but you can use your faith to deal with the things that are on the inside of you so it doesn’t matter what other people do to you.

Jesus did not come to this earth for Himself - He came for us.

The reason Jesus was able to forgive and operate in love while on the cross, was because He was not self-centered.

Scripture says you are to be dead unto yourself. One of the great keys in applying the things God has done in your life is to realize that God did not give you the kingdom for selfish purposes. It is in denying yourself that you truly find out what life is all about. In loving God and other people more than you love yourself, you will begin to diffuse the anger and hurt on the inside of you and walk in victory.

SELF-CENTEREDNESS, THE SOURCE OF ALL GRIEF
Lesson Text

1. Let’s look at Proverbs 13:10: "Only by pride cometh contention; but with the well advised is wisdom." Now many people would take issue with this and say, "Now wait a minute - pride can’t be the only thing that causes contention or strife. In Proverbs 17:14, it says that contention is the beginning of strife. So, strife has to be caused by more than just pride. It’s what this person has done to me." Some people would say, "It’s my personality type - you don’t understand - this is just the type of person I am." No, the scripture says ONLY by pride cometh contention. It’s not one of the leading causes - it’s the only cause. Some people would again disagree and say, "Now wait a minute – I have all kinds of problems, but pride isn’t one of them. If anything, I have such low self-esteem that there is no way anybody could accuse me of pride."
2. You have to redefine what pride is. Actually, pride is not just thinking you’re better than somebody else, but pride (in its simplest terms) is seeing yourself as the center of everything. It’s self-centeredness - the root of all pride.
3. In Numbers 12:2 there is an instance where Miriam and Aaron come against Moses. They are Moses’ brother and sister. They come against him because of an inter-racial marriage. They criticized him saying, "Are you the only one that God has spoken by?" And the scripture says in parenthesis that Moses was the meekest man on the face of the earth. He fell on his face and instead of taking offense to what they said about him, he began to pray for them and intercede for them. When it says in parenthesis that Moses was the meekest man on the face of the earth, stop and think about what this means. That’s an amazing statement. We don’t know how many people were on the earth, but certainly there were millions of people. Moses was the meekest man out of all those people and the thing that makes it really amazing is that Moses is the one who wrote that.
   
   You know, most people think that if you are truly humble or meek, you won’t even know it. That’s a false impression of what arrogance is. Pride is not just thinking you are better than everybody else, but it’s self-centeredness. It’s like a stick with two ends - on one end is arrogance and on the other end is low self-esteem. They are just two opposite expressions of the same thing – it’s all on the same stick – it’s self-centeredness. It doesn’t matter if you think you are better than everybody else, or if you think you are worse than everybody else. If you think this way, you are self-centered and everything gets filtered through that.
4. A timid or shy person is a very proud person - self-centered - thinking only about himself. So, the point I am making is that self-centeredness is really the root of all pride. If you will plug that back in to Proverbs 13:10, "Only by pride cometh contention," then what this is saying is that it’s our own self-centeredness that makes us angry – it’s not what people do to us that makes us angry – it’s our self-centeredness that causes us to react to what people do. You are never going to be able to stop every person from rubbing you the wrong way. That can’t happen. That’s not what faith is for - to control other people. Faith is so that you can deal with yourself - so you can deal with the things that are on the inside of you, so it doesn’t matter what other people do to you.

1. According to Proverbs 13:10, how does contention start?
2. Complete this sentence: Pride is seeing yourself as the center of everything.
3. Pride is self-centeredness.
4. When we are self-centered, it is easy for us to become angry.
5. Jesus, as He was being crucified, was able to turn to the very people who were crucifying Him and say, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." He didn’t control those people. Instead, He had control over Himself. It’s self-centeredness that makes us angry. Jesus did not come to this earth for Himself, but He so loved the world that He came here for us. He turned around and forgave the very people crucifying Him. He thought of His mother, as He was hanging on the cross, and spoke to one of the disciples about taking care of her. The reason Jesus was able to forgive and operate in love (even in the midst of intense agony, injustice, and everything that came His way) was because He was not self-centered.
   
   It’s our own selfishness that really makes us angry, yet the scripture says that we are supposed to be "dead unto ourselves." If I had a corpse lying in front of me today, I could insult the corpse, I could kick the corpse, I could spit on the corpse or I could ignore the corpse. If it’s truly a corpse, it’s not going to respond. The reason that you respond the way you do to the things around you is because of what’s on the inside of. You are never going to be able to control everything externally. You are never going to get so strong in faith that you can remove all obstacles and everything that rubs you the wrong way. But you can deal with yourself.
   
   You can come to a place where you make Jesus Lord over your life and you love Him, love His kingdom and love other people more than you love yourself. You will find that when you do that, and you deal with self, that this strife - this contention - will cease in your life.
6. 1. According to Mark 10:44, what did Jesus say the mark of becoming great was
   2. What should be our rule of life according to Matthew 7:12?

SELF-CENTEREDNESS, THE SOURCE OF ALL GRIEF
(Additional Information)

Romans 12:10: "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another."

(Romans 12:10) The dictionary defines "preferring" as "to choose as more desirable; like better." That means this verse is admonishing us to desire the welfare of others more than our own, to like others better than ourselves. That is an awesome command that is only obtainable through God’s supernatural love.

If this simple yet profound truth could be understood and applied, then strife would cease (Proverbs 13:10), the world would see Christianity as never before, and we would discover the true joy that comes from serving someone besides ourselves (Matthew 10:39; 16:25).

Romans 12:15: "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."

(Romans 12:15) A self-centered person will not rejoice at someone else’s prosperity. He will be jealous instead. Likewise, a selfish person will not weep with those that weep because he really doesn’t care about anyone but himself. The Lord is continuing the thought about preferring one another.

Philippians 2:3-4: "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."

(Philippians 2:3) Humility can be defined in many ways, one of which is "absence of pride" (Webster’s New World Dict.). Typically, pride is described as arrogance. However, that is just one dimension of pride. Timidness is also pride, because in its simplest terms, pride is self-centeredness, and a timid or shy person is very self-centered. Paul gives the antidote to self-centeredness in this verse - esteeming others better than ourselves.

How can we esteem others better than ourselves when in truth we really think we are better than others? Some people are better athletes than others. Some are better businessmen than others. Some are better speakers than others, and so forth.

First, we need to recognize that our accomplishments don’t make us better than others. There is a difference between what we do and who we are. Better performance does not make a better person. A person’s character can be severely wanting even though his performance is good. A classic example of this is found in the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. They did the right things for all the wrong reasons. Inside they were corrupt. Our evaluation of others needs to change. God judges by looking on the inside, not the outside. We need to esteem others on the same basis.

Second, to esteem someone better than ourselves simply means to value him or her more than we value ourselves. To some that may seem impossible, but it isn’t. That is exactly what Jesus did, and Paul uses Jesus as the model for what he is preaching in the next few verses (vv. 5-11). If Jesus, who was God in the flesh (I Timothy 3:16), could humble Himself and value our good above His own welfare, then we should certainly be able to do the same. It can happen when we die to self and live to God.

(Philippians 2:4) The way we implement the instruction of the previous verse to "esteem others better than themselves" is to look at the other person’s side of things instead of seeing everything through selfish eyes. If we think only about ourselves, we will be selfish. If we get out of self and think more about the benefit of others than the benefit of self, then we will be selfless. It’s a matter of focus. Whichever side of things we focus on is the side we will take. Therefore, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others" (Philippians 2:4).

Colossians 2:23: "Which things have indeed a show of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh."

(Colossians 2:23) The self-denial that Paul was speaking against in these verses is embraced by much of "Christianity" today. Historically, self-denial has always been a big part of false religion. Most religions of the world teach an abasement of self, but they do it as penitence, in order to obtain salvation. This is not the denying of self that the Bible advocates.

True self-denial, as the scriptures promote, is not self-hatred or masochism but rather an enthroning of Christ above self. We have a new identity in Christ that replaces the "old self." This isn’t done to obtain salvation, but is a love response to what Christ has already done for us. He gave His all for us and we willingly give our all back to Him.

Self-denial, when done as an attempt to earn salvation is always motivated by guilt and characterized by rigid rules as Paul describes. True Christianity, on the other hand, is not the observance of rituals, but a relationship that produces holiness as a fruit and not a root of salvation. Holiness doesn’t come from the outside and work its way inside, but when we are born again we become righteous, and we work that holiness out in our physical lives.

Trying to destroy the power of self through harsh laws actually arouses and strengthens sin. Christians must not let life become a set of rules, but rather a response to a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

I Corinthians 6:20: "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s."

(I Corinthians 6:20) One of the most damaging attitudes of our time is the exaltation of self over others. Personal rights have been promoted at the expense of others. This is not good for society and it is certainly not the way God expects His body to operate.

As Christians, we need to develop a continual awareness that our lives are not our own. We do not have the liberty to do as we please. We should present our bodies as living sacrifices unto God, recognizing that this is just our reasonable duty to the one who gave His life for us (Romans 12:1).

John 6:30: "They said therefore unto him, What sign showest thou then, that we may see, and believe thee? What dost thou work?"

(John 6:30) Jesus had already performed a great miracle before them in feeding the five thousand, but the people’s hearts were so set on themselves that they missed the true miracle. All they perceived was how good it felt to have their hunger satisfied. When we are full of self, we always miss God.

Here are some questions to think about for this lesson

Level 2 Lesson 1 Questions
SELF-CENTEREDNESS, THE SOURCE OF ALL GRIEF

1. What were the disciples arguing about on the road going to Capernaum? Read Mark 9:33-34.
2. According to Mark 9:35, if someone wants to be first he must become what?
3. Explain in detail Jesus’ teaching in Luke 22:24-27.
4. According to Proverbs 13:10, what is the only thing that causes contention?
5. According to Galatians 2:20, how should we live our lives?
6. What is the antidote for self-centeredness according to Matthew 7:12?

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